Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Get A Life, You Stalker - ‘Cause You Can’t Have Mine

Stalking??  I mean, really???  For over 16 years??  He didn’t show this much fascination with me when we were married….so why now?  The life a narcissist…..they just cannot wrap their head around how someone could not want them.   My ex is the consummate narcissist – in fact, I truly believe if you look up the word “narcissist” in the dictionary – you will see his picture.  
During our marriage, he was in constant search of replenishing his narcissistic supply….i.e. looking for other women.  Perhaps they were more suggestible, or more willing to stroke his ego, as he only revealed his charm.  But they weren’t his wife…the mother of his children, the one he was legally committed to and the one who eventually threw him out of his bed and home.
As with personality disorders, they sometimes merge.  It’s call comorbidity.  It this particular case, my ex’s narcissism merged with anti-social personality disorder; and often referred to as a sociopathic narcissist.  It’s a frightening amalgamation of two highly destructive conditions. It can cause a mere stalker to seek more vengeance than just knowledge of what is going on in the life of the one who rejected him.
But how much energy can one put into focusing on someone else’s life?  After 16 years, why hasn’t the stalking and harassment ended?  What is the goal of this narcissistic sociopath??   Many lie awake in fear of the next move but I couldn’t just waste time, thinking of him thinking of me.  I live my life and consider his stalking and harassment, just a little bump in the road, as I live my life with gusto, except for that pesky little irritating mosquito of a man.  It takes a little bit of savvy awareness to avoid getting stung…but after that, the feeling is just to swat this annoyance away.  
My favorite music group is the Beatles.  One of their lesser known pieces is the perfect anthem for the pathetically empty shell of a man who cannot get his own life because he only wants the life of the one who he has lost.       

With thanks to Lennon/McCartney

I'm a loser, I'm a loser, And I'm not what I appear to be

Of all the love I have won, and have lost;  There is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million my friend; I should have known she would win in the end

I'm a loser; And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser ; And I'm not what I appear to be

Although I laugh and I act like a clown; Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky; Is it for her or myself that I cry?

I'm a loser; And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser; And I'm not what I appear to be

What have I done to deserve such a fate?; I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true pride comes before a fall; I'm telling you so that you won't lose all

I'm a loser; And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser; And I'm not what I appear to be

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