Monday, December 17, 2012

Newtown, Connecticut

A gunman in Newtown, Connecticut began his murderous rampage on December 14, 2012 by shooting his mother and then going to the Sandy Hook Elementary school and opened fire, killing the principal, teachers and 20 2nd graders.  When he heard the police arriving, he turned the gun on himself.  At this time, the motive is not known, nor is a psychological diagnosis of the gunman.  It has been reported that the gunman had been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, a disorder linked to autism, but medical experts have stressed it does not explain his violence.  Logically, it makes sense as his car was filled with an arsenal of weapons indicating a well-planned attack.

The breaking of the news story was chilling, and sparked pangs of remembering a similar incident documented in my book, “…Until You Die”: The Narcissist’s Promise when the narcissistic sociopath manipulates his 2nd wife’s aunt to write alarming notes, alleging they were from his ex-wife and mother of his children.  One note read, “If I don’t see my children, everyone will die”.  Another threatened to "go into a school, killing children & myself".  When the aunt’s handwriting was found to be a match to the notes, the Newton, Massachusetts police drove to the house to confront the aunt.  They were met at the door by the narcissistic sociopath, who exuded false empathy, and stated, “She confessed to me and is very upset.  Can you return tomorrow”?  An hour later, the aunt was being rushed by ambulance to the hospital suffering from an overdose of pills.  What is wrong with this story? 

      1.      The aunt never met the ex-wife, yet goes along with the plan to “frame” her? Why?
      2.      The narcissistic sociopath successfully stopped police intervention.  Why?
      3.      The aunt takes an overdose, which halts any further police interrogation. Why?

The parallels between the man in Newtown and the man in Newton are frighteningly similar.  The only difference is that the Newtown man appeared to have some psychological issues and fear when dealing with people, and the man in Newton, clearly a narcissistic sociopath, reveled in attention, as it fed his narcissistic supply.  

  •  Both men had thoughts of going into a school and killing children. 
  •  The Newtown gunman turned the weapon on himself. 
  •  The narcissistic sociopath, in effect, turned the weapon on his ex-wife. 
  •  The Newtown gunman planned his act autonomously.
  •  The narcissistic sociopath convinced someone else follow his directions.
  • The Newtown gunman carried an assault rifle and gun.
  •  The narcissistic sociopath’s weapon was an unethical attorney

To society, the Newtown gunman did not appear to be a danger, as he flew beneath the radar.  His illness was undetectable due to his introverted behavior.  The narcissist sociopath had met with judges, guardian ad litem and court workers. His psychological illness was flaunted behind the mask of narcissistic charm, a disguise so convincing, it was able to hide the sociopath’s mind and murderous plans. 
We pray for the children in Newtown and the loved ones left behind.  How do we pray for the children who have been victims of ignorant judges, guardian ad litem and court workers?   President Obama plans on taking measures so tragedies like what occurred in Newtown, Connecticut will not happen again.  Who is going to take measures to halt the tragedies happening in our family courts daily when decisions are made that rip children away from loving homes just as savagely as the children in Newtown?  Tonight there are so many parents who share the grief with the families of Newtown, but the sorrow they feel are also from the scabs being ripped off from the never healing painful scars of losing their child in a way that was unfair as well.    

The victims (feel free to add the names of other children victimized by our courts:

Monday, December 10, 2012

Memories Stolen

As my youngest daughter reaches a significant milestone, her questions regarding my experience in “becoming a woman” were met with limited memories.  I remember the year, the season and my best friend’s envy, but most details are vague.  I don’t have my old diaries or pictures as any point of reference.  My daughter is petite with subtle curves, her face still childlike, yet the hint of gorgeous cheekbones, large eyes and full lips are signs of the beautiful woman she will become.  These changes have been well documented and photographed, with her milestones charted to be shared someday with her daughter.    

I kept the same careful records when my first son was born in 1988.  I assembled a detailed chronological photo album.  My ex husband angrily protested my dedication, as he had no interest in maintaining or reminiscing a pictorial diary.  However, eight years later when filed for divorce he confiscated my photo albums of our three children, pictures of my ancestors and relatives, my childhood diary, yearbooks, letters, mementoes, artwork, and my modeling portfolio.  He also stole record albums, and expensive inheritance items from my great uncle. Although the loss of everything was hurtful, I realized “it’s only stuff”, as true memories are etched into my brain, most creating fissures so deep that I will never forget.  I can only attribute his behavior as his desire to punish me for divorcing him. 

Erasing my children’s memories of a loving mother was much more difficult, yet it was a deed he felt had to be done.  He filed false criminal charges and I was denied access to our three children, despite the false accusation had nothing to do with my ability to care for them.  It left me with more than four empty years of not knowing what was going on in their lives.  The void of sadness and unfairness was only quelled by my memories.     

After being exonerated from the fabricated charges, I still had to fight to see my children.  Eventually, I was reunited with three strangers, who had become teenagers during the lost years.  Parts of their memories were unblemished, yet their father had created doubts when he cruelly showed them court documents with the false criminal charges, and told them, “Your mother did something very bad.”  Despite the loving thoughts that may have sustained them during those vacant years, reservations were thrown into their young minds creating confusion of what they really remembered. 

To digress to the thought process of the narcissistic sociopath:  Each positivity in my life was a dagger of defeat for my ex-husband.  Well documented in “…Until You Die”: The Narcissist’s Promise is his pattern of egregious acts punctuating a happy event for me.  Therefore, when I remarried in 2007, it was the trigger he needed to build upon the series of maternal negativity he had been creating for years.  And this time it had to be final.

I will never forget, as my memories are based on truth I experienced myself, not horror stories fed to me since childhood.  Although I have three adult children, I am still learning about raising a teenager, as that opportunity was taken from me.  All I can do is share with her anything I can remember myself, or by talking to old friends.  We will learn along the way, and create our own set of memories from the reality we share.