Friday, February 10, 2012

Another view of Protesting Parental Alienation

This morning, while enjoying my coffee and cruising facebook, I notice one of my friends postings.  To preface this, let me say he is not a personal friend.  He is a friend due to a cause.  I never met him.  I can’t remember who friended who, but he is against parental alienation, we have mutual friends acquired due to similar beliefs - - so he’s a facebook friend. This morning, he has posted pictures from a protest.  People are holding signs.  Some of these signs read:  "Parental Alienation Awareness", "Family Courts Are Corrupt", "Kids Needs Both Parents" – all very good messages.  And then there was one sign that read, “Fathers Are Not Wallets – Stop Judicial Extortion.” 

Now I am curious.  I want to know how he feels.  I want to know his reason.  I want to walk a mile…ok –maybe not a whole mile…in his shoes.  Why do fathers feel this way?  What can I do or what can women do in order to prevent more families from being torn apart in family court?  I don’t want to judge him….I just want to know.  How can one support a cause without understanding the motivation?    

The MAN – as I shall call him in this blog, is 11 ½ years older than I am.  He’s not a handsome man.  As you read further, you will understand why I am providing a description.  He’s online and I send him an instant message.  Here is out “conversation” copied directly from facebook instant messenger.

ME:  Hi, I am looking at your postings in regard to the father's protests. Of course, I am aware of this and being on the other side, I am very curious as to what most fathers’ take on this is. I know many of the mom's encroached in custody battles are due to very real abuse & the man's desire to control.

MAN: Hi, Sorry I have a GF Now   (OK – now this is when I begin to think he’s odd.)

ME:          I am not looking for a bf


ME:          I am trying to learn your stance....I want to know what women are doing and why

MAN: What's you comment or question?

ME:    For me, control is easy (reason to understand why individuals try to alienate children) but you also wonder if there's another motive....i.e. where is the anger? Is it due to the divorce? Who initiates the divorce?
I know this happens on both sides, but in order to understand I want to know what motivates the majority of women alienators.  Could it really be just money? Are women punishing by using the children because their lifestyle changes after a divorce? (I am not saying this with any speculation)
I feel a lot of what is going on is also due to really bad judgments in court and I do support shared parenting.

I am trying to convey my desire to really understand or learn about his battle.  Maybe he’s cautious about telling me…but you can’t win a battle without proclaiming your reasoning.  It may not be the right one…or the popular one…but every protest has a premise.  However……..he didn’t answer. 

Therefore, if you can’t stand up for your beliefs with conviction, then accept your plight.  Maybe some people feel they’re not fighting the right fight, or no good will come of protesting, but you can never know without putting your whole heart and soul into the fight.  

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Allowing Parental Alienation...the dirty truth

I just read an article on how courts allow Parental Alienation.  I am not sure if "allow" is the correct word as I find it hard to believe that judges and GAL's (abbreviated Guardian ad Litem - a better definition would be Grossly Absent Logic) are actually lacking the intelligence to agree with a parental "alienator".  They are certainly not utilizing the brain power that enabled them to achieve their advanced degrees.  From everything I've learned and read...the answer is simple.  The decision makers in the courts are relying on their poorly developed instinct to determine who is the parent they "feel" is best suited to have custody of the children.  In Massachusetts, I know several female GAL's who are not thinking...they are feeling...and what they are feeling is an attraction to the narcissistic alienating parent (a man - in this case) who is charming, attractive, and flirtatious.  They are swayed by the possibility due to the sexual vibrations being put out by this man who only wants to seduce the GAL with his sincere speech, penetrating eye contact, and whatever other means to turn an otherwise professional women's thinking into that of a schoolgirl talking to her crush.  And thus the decision is made.  One of these GAL's, aware that this charmer had moved into another woman's house days after he left the marital home, doesn't even bother to investigate further.  She's recommending that the children go live in a house with a strange woman she knows nothing about....who must be qualified, because after all, she's now living with this charmer....and doesn't that make her the best co-parent....and does it really matter that she was having an affair with a married man?  Evidently not, because this is exactly what she is recommending to the judge...that the children live with the charmer and the adulterer. 

The last ironic piece of this is the GAL report.  It makes no sense.  It is filled with contradictions.  Even testimony on the witness stand doesn't support this document.  And the judge even deems the report "slanted".  And this woman is STILL working in our courts.  Why?   

I say fire this woman who is grossly absent of logic, give her a few sex toys and let her live out her fantasies....only not within our courts.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Meeting the Narcissist

DSM criteria of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
    1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
    2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
    4. requires excessive admiration
    5. has a sense of entitlement
    6. is interpersonally exploitative
    7. lacks empathy
    8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
    9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
The narcissist can only survive by deriving his/her narcissistic supply from ignorant admirers.  Without that, they are an empy shell.  How awful would life be if your only validation for being worthwhile is when you are receiving the reassurance from someone else?  The narcissist is not unlike a vampire, constantly chasing his life draining the blood from others.  And this is the same thing an abuser does...