This morning, while enjoying my coffee and cruising facebook, I notice one of my friends postings. To preface this, let me say he is not a personal friend. He is a friend due to a cause. I never met him. I can’t remember who friended who, but he is against parental alienation, we have mutual friends acquired due to similar beliefs - - so he’s a facebook friend. This morning, he has posted pictures from a protest. People are holding signs. Some of these signs read: "Parental Alienation Awareness", "Family Courts Are Corrupt", "Kids Needs Both Parents" – all very good messages. And then there was one sign that read, “Fathers Are Not Wallets – Stop Judicial Extortion.”
Now I am curious. I want to know how he feels. I want to know his reason. I want to walk a mile…ok –maybe not a whole mile…in his shoes. Why do fathers feel this way? What can I do or what can women do in order to prevent more families from being torn apart in family court? I don’t want to judge him….I just want to know. How can one support a cause without understanding the motivation?
The MAN – as I shall call him in this blog, is 11 ½ years older than I am. He’s not a handsome man. As you read further, you will understand why I am providing a description. He’s online and I send him an instant message. Here is out “conversation” copied directly from facebook instant messenger.
ME: Hi, I am looking at your postings in regard to the father's protests. Of course, I am aware of this and being on the other side, I am very curious as to what most fathers’ take on this is. I know many of the mom's encroached in custody battles are due to very real abuse & the man's desire to control.
MAN: Hi, Sorry I have a GF Now (OK – now this is when I begin to think he’s odd.)
ME: I am not looking for a bf
MAN: OK
ME: I am trying to learn your stance....I want to know what women are doing and why
MAN: What's you comment or question?
ME: For me, control is easy (reason to understand why individuals try to alienate children) but you also wonder if there's another motive....i.e. where is the anger? Is it due to the divorce? Who initiates the divorce?
I know this happens on both sides, but in order to understand I want to know what motivates the majority of women alienators. Could it really be just money? Are women punishing by using the children because their lifestyle changes after a divorce? (I am not saying this with any speculation)
I feel a lot of what is going on is also due to really bad judgments in court and I do support shared parenting.
I am trying to convey my desire to really understand or learn about his battle. Maybe he’s cautious about telling me…but you can’t win a battle without proclaiming your reasoning. It may not be the right one…or the popular one…but every protest has a premise. However……..he didn’t answer.
Therefore, if you can’t stand up for your beliefs with conviction, then accept your plight. Maybe some people feel they’re not fighting the right fight, or no good will come of protesting, but you can never know without putting your whole heart and soul into the fight.
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