Monday, June 12, 2017

SHE CALLS HERSELF AN ATTORNEY, BUT LIZ LEWIS IS AN UNETHICAL CRIMINAL

Here's the true story of a woman who should not be allowed to practice law. In fact, she probably should be on disability, as she is mentally incompetent on many levels. But you, dear reader, will be able to figure this out. Let's start at where it all began.....
Herb Lewis, Esq. is an attorney who resided in Needham with his wife Elaine. Years ago, when the son of his close friends was arrested for possession of cocaine, with the intent to sell, he successfully defended the 18 year old and had the record sealed. Despite the close call, this teenaged narcissistic sociopath continued to deal drugs from his Needham apartment - this time marijuana - which carried a lighter sentence. He accumulated regular customers, and some by word-of-mouth. One customer was a longtime friend, and son of Herb and Elaine Lewis. His older sister was Elizabeth R.Lewis, called Liz, who had followed in her father's footsteps and became an attorney.
About 8 years later, I met this drug dealer, however his drugging and dealing was concealed from me, as the primary goal of the narcissist is to charm, then consume. Facts eventually dribbled out and explained away as the mundane antics of a teenager. A tumultuous courtship, marriage, and 3 children followed. We would spend some of our summer days by the pool at the home of Herb and Elaine Lewis. Elaine was a nice woman who I learned had commented to my mother-in-law about my wonderful parenting skills. During these afternoons, Liz was also present. We always had a friendly relationship.... until my divorce proceedings when Liz was hired to represent my ex.
So let's review…Liz's attorney father defended my ex on charges of possession of cocaine with the intent to distribute. Liz's brother was my ex's best friend and involved with drugs he purchased from my ex. Liz's mother had enthusiastically complemented my parenting skills. In order to be effective attorney in a custody case, Liz was going to have to ignore the facts she knew... and to win, well...she was going to have to lie her ass off.
At the time. I had the idealistic belief our courts were a venue of honor, respect, and truth, resulting in justice. But in family court, I learned the general protocol was based on who was the more effective liar. And that was Liz Lewis.
[Ironically, she was sanctioned in another case for unethical behavior, and handling a case as if it were "her personal vendetta".]
Liz broke every rule, and ignored any shred of ethical attorney protocol. Some examples:
1. It is unethical for any attorney to contact the guardian ad litem assigned to a custody case, as the GAL needs to make a decision based on their own investigation. Liz continuously contacted the GAL, and even told her I was "in crisis", despite the fact I was working, had researched and enrolled my children in nursery school, and continued their daily routines. In fact - nothing had really changed as I had always been the sole caregiver. If anything, my psychological status was better because I was no longer afraid of being abused.
2. Liz brought "therapist" Steven Shapse, to testify and provide a psychological profile on me, despite the fact we had never met.
3. Liz went to "judge shopping" when her motion to change custody was denied twice.
4. Liz submitted a motion denying me due process in court
5. Liz brought an ex-parte fabricated motion into court which caused me to lose visits with my children for almost 5 years. She had plenty of time to have me served but didn't want me in court to refute her lies. Did I forget to mention this was done on my birthday?
6. Liz submitted a written summation for the custody trial which allowed her to lie freely without any reaction in court. Her written summation read as if she were in a different custody trial.
7. Liz (along with my ex) approached the ex-wife of my boyfriend attempting to create animosity in a very healthy relationship. Both handed her their business cards. My ex's slick business card contained information 100% contrary to what he had just turned in on his financial statement - also signed by Liz Lewis - under the pains and penalties of perjury.
8. Liz tried to supersede the judge's order by calling me to request a change in the visitation schedule. When I told her I wanted to comply with the judge, who requested any change needed to be in the courtroom, Liz refused and said "I would rather see you fighting with your children". When I later saw her in court, she denied this, and I asked her what kind of medications she was taking.
Those were just a few of the ways Liz conducted herself, but there are many more, as Liz drew out this trial for months, with her.... well, the only word is bullshit. She lied, manipulated, and insulted. She accused me of "needing men to support me", although I worked and relied on myself, while her client moved into a woman's house immediately after I threw him out. Liz's obsession with my relationships were disturbing, and made me feel as if she possibly wanted another kind of relationship with me.....whoops.....I guess I let the cat out of the closet....I mean bag. (No offense to the LGBT community)
I do not have a photograph of Liz Lewis. I am using this picture of a troll doll as this is the closest resemblance I could find. Liz is a tiny woman whose speech is tight-lipped and monotoned. She wears oversized manly tailored pantsuits to court, no make-up, and a Dorothy Hamill haircut. I recently heard Liz was disbarred however I could not find any supporting information. But, I am sure this is in her future. But, by all accounts, Liz Lewis has proved herself to be, the lowest scum on this planet. She went into court, and ignored her oath as a member of the bar, determined to brutally and dishonorably fight to have children ripped away from a wonderful mother. I am certain her mother Elaine Lewis is rolling over in her grave in disgusting disappointed with her daughter and her actions. If Liz Lewis had any morals scruples, or ethics, she would have refused this case. If she bears any guilt, remorse, or regret, she should tell my children the truth. This is all public record with additional details in my book "...Until You Die": The Narcissist's Promise. I will continue to purge and defile her name for what she did to my children, and someday I hope I can dance on her grave.
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Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Why Would She Alienate Someone Else's Children?

My older daughter does not speak to me.  She is 25 years old, and hasn't spoken to me since 2015. Our last communication was a series of cruel texts to me regarding a picture of her former stepmother, I photoshopped to enhance the evil emanating within her soul.  I simply enhanced her ugliness. To digress; This was a woman who enthusiastically contributed to the alienation of my children.  What kind of person would purposely try to destroy the relationship between someone else's children and their biological mother?  What kind of woman would obey a man who's sole purpose was to punish his ex-wife for divorcing him, and using the children to do so? This is not the behavior of a person who is decent or mentally sane.  This is the behavior of a mentally damaged monster.  To no surprise, Mariann was dumped by my ex-husband over 10 years ago yet she clung to my children because they are a tie to him.  Mariann lacks the self-respect to walk away from my children, and encourage them have a relationship with their mother.  She continues to ingratiate herself into their lives, even with my grandson who I have never met. 
And why do I write about her?  Do the parents of murdered children forgive the one who took their children away from them?  Sharon Tate's sister continues to go to court and speak out against the Manson family who killed her sister in 1969. Debra Tate wants justice, and so do I.  I will never stop pointing my finger at the monster who alienated my children. 
Mariann had no reason to continue a relationship with my children. Her interference with my relationship with my children is criminal, and has been exceedingly inappropriate since they were very young.  One of the most disgusting thing she did was tell my daughter my fourth child was going to be born blind and deaf.  Who else but an evil monster would ever think of telling a six-year-old something so horrific? She also cut my daughters's hair, and took her to have her ears pierced.  This is something a predator would do.  The court never gave her any kind of rights regarding my children.
The picture I posted upset my daughter, as it was a picture of "someone she loves".  However, her feelings regarding Mariann were huge spoon fed lies, shoveled down her throat until she was forced to except it, without question. But I know the truth.  And my daughter is terrified to ask any questions, and learn the truth.
Although my daughter knows I am a domestic violence advocate who has written a book describing my life as the victim of her abusive father, and an international speaker who encourages women to speak out against their abuser, she doesn't question me; instead she denies she is "brainwashed".  However, someone who IS brainwashed is unaware of it.
My daughter endured almost 5 years of being brainwashed after her father filed false criminal charges against me. Although the charges had nothing to do with my relationship with my children, and the charges were dropped, and the findings reversed, the 5 years of
"No contact" with my children gave my ex and Mariann plenty of time to infiltrate my children's minds and plant the lies of alienation.
My daughter didn't question why she had to see me in the visitation center, nor did she question why the warranted fees associated with the visits were waived.  ANSWER: The therapists interviewed my ex and determined he was a domestic batterer and I was a victim, so my fee was waived.  This is a fact; Yet my daughter refuses to acknowledge her father was abusive, or questioned Mariann's enthusiasm to alienate her against her mother. 
The "person she loves" was having an affair with her father.  My daughter was too young to understand, yet years later, she never questioned the details. Most children are angry at the parent who is unfaithful.  My children never questioned their father's infidelity and bonded to the "other woman", who flaunted the affair as if it made her important.
It seems as if their early memories with me are erased...and THAT is obviously brainwashing. I remember the early years, and so to all my friends. My children were so attached to me, and their father was never home. His absence was the topic of most of our arguments.  I wanted a family, and he wanted to be with his friends (and other women). Why are they so afraid to learn the truth?
The only reason he wanted custody was because Mariann agreed to take them into her home.  Prior to her, my ex refused to take the children on overnight visits. He could not find an accomplice until he met Mariann.
What kind of woman would disrupt her own children's lives and bring a new man into her house and bed, days after throwing out their father? What kind of woman would agree to comply with a man's lies to take children away from their biological mother?  No decent, self-respecting woman would ever agree. Personally, I would certainly find fault with a man who wanted to do such a horrendous deed.  But Mariann is mentally unstable, and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Her confused priorities, and low self esteem led her to believe she would find self importance in playing a key figure in a custody battle. Mariann was the perfect pawn, easily manipulated to the point of disassociating herself from her own daughters by changing her name when she married my ex. Most mothers keep their married name, to share with their children, despite a divorce.  But a man was more important than her own daughters. She made them accomplices, instructing them to tell my children I did not want to talk to them when I called. Is that what a good mother makes her own children do?
Most recently, she refused to return my belongings that were in her house. Despite the fact I had a court order from 1996 with the list of my property, Mariann lied to the police. Why is she continuing to act this way?  Another sign of mental illness.
My daughter does not speak to me because I posted a picture which was an accurate depiction of an ugly woman with an ugly heart, yet this was "someone she loved". 
My daughter has no memory of her biological mother - the one she first loved.  I was the one who carried her (despite her father's request to abort because he "did not want three children").  I took care of her when she came home jaundiced.  I sat with her, begging her to drink when she had a stomach bug so severe her doctor was about to admit her to the hospital.  When she got an infection on her foot, and when she got kicked in the mouth, I took her to the doctor, and the dentist to make sure the infection didn't spread, and she didn't lose a tooth. (When her father had custody, all medical and dental appointments stopped). My daughter was fortunate I re-entered her life and got her braces for her teeth.  Yes, this 25 year old once loved me, because I was her mother. I was the person who cared about her and only her, not because I was trying to get with some man.  Now her "mother figure" is a whore who stole her affections with lies and cruelty. 
I do not care if this post hurts my daughter.  It's meant to jar her into reality.  I am crying out for the same justice for my children as Debra Tate does for her sister.  My feelings toward my daughter deep down is the love a mother would have for a child who died.  But in real time, it's profound disappointment and disdain. 
And as long as the insane woman is in my daughter's life, there is no room for me.  I will never share my daughter nor show Mariann respect after how she destroyed my children.  I did not care about the affair with my husband because she wasn't the first one and she wasn't the last.  My daughter and sons are damaged products of what happens when children are denied a loving mother.  I have little faith they will have successful relationships.  (My daughter told me my oldest son does not have his son for overnight visits.) 
I had three beautiful children, who I was raising beautifully and lovingly. They have become cruel strangers, and I am embarrassed for them as they did not inherit one shred of common sense to ask questions… Yet I realize they are severely alienated and yes, brainwashed, by an abusive man and an equally abusive woman named Mariann. 
I am fortunate to have another daughter who I raised with love and propriety.  She is a responsible young adult with goals, and self-respect, and has made me very proud. 
My feelings for my three oldest children range from pity to anger;  I realize they too ARE victims. Perhaps they will someday question the lies.  Perhaps they will feel anger and sadness and will undoubtedly need years of therapy to undo the damage.  Or perhaps they will just continue with the unfounded anger they bear toward their biological mother.  I wonder if someday they will feel the pain of growing up without a mother. 
Mariann is not their mother.  She's a pathetic excuse for a mother who disregards the damage she's done. She is worse than domestic batterer, because she has preyed on the innocence of my children for a man who left her.  Mariann had free will to make her decisions, and chose to hurt my children, instead of being a decent person and walking away.  Hey Mariann - it's never too late to walk away. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Libel? Slander? Or freedom of speech?



What are the legal ramifications of telling your story? How should you tell your story? Should you tell it in the first person?  Change names?  I thought about this in detail.  I felt safe if I decided to tell my story in the first person, without changing names.  I felt my ex would never admit to being the antagonist in my book - the man most readers have hated, thanks to the comprehensive characterization.  I also felt he would not want his identity revealed, as if he actually stood up and admitted I wrote about him, he would be proving himself as at the very least, a narcissist.

In my due diligence, I consulted with an attorney prior to deciding how my book should be written. There was a lot to consider. Should I write the book using my real name as the author? Or should I use a pen name? Should I write it in the first person? Should I write it as a fiction - which would leave speculation as to whether or not it was a true story, or a non-fiction/true crime drama? I knew I wanted to reveal the truth, because, as Oprah said, "In revealing the truth, you release the shame."  There is a fair amount of shame in being a victim of domestic violence.  People wonder why it took so long to leave.  People question as to the custody decisions.  Many people are exactly how I was when I first entered a courtroom.  You respect the legal system, and you respect the judge.  It was a place where honesty prevails, and is above all respected.  What an idealistic way of thinking....but sometimes seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is easier to take, than the reality of what really happens.

From the first day we sat in court, and the case worker asked my ex if he thought I was a good mother, and he vehemently said, "No!"  I looked at him in utter shock.  I had never heard one negative word uttered about my parenting.  The biggest issue we had was my desire to have my husband home as a part of the family, instead of spending most of the time with his friends, and saying activities with the children were "boring".  If I was not a good mother, why wasn't he home to ensure the children were safe?  Simply said, the children were safe with me, and they were not a priority in his life. 

People who know me, whether they are close friends, or acquaintances know I am a survivor of domestic violence perpetrated by my first husband. I have a different last name as I felt I needed to my own identity after the years of abuse. Although I wanted to share the same surname with my children, his attorney screamed in court about retaining his name, making a ludicrous suggestion I wanted to remain married to him, when in fact, I detested the name associated with my perpetrator and craved my own identity.  I changed my name, selecting one with a similar feel to my maiden name albeit much more easy to pronounce, and legally changed it "for personal and professional reasons".

I decided I would use pseudonyms in my book to keep my children's identity private, and utilized a disclaimer in the front of the book, with tongue-in-cheek sarcasm because the names of the villains in my book are very close to their real names. The antagonist's surname of BAUERS is an anagram.  (E-mail me if you can figure it out). 

And, with that said, I am going to start revealing the names of some of these villains. There are several reasons for this decision. Yes I am speaking out, and yes I do reveal names when I speak in public. Most importantly, any name which was in my court record, is libel and slander free, according to my consultation with the attorney.  Therefore, I am protected, as whatever I will write is a matter of public record. In revealing names, other victims of the same people (lawyer, judge etc) may feel more comfortable speaking out and telling their story. However, the main goal is to encourage those who feel they are victims, to speak out, so they can on day call themselves survivors.

So… Hold on tight, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Monday, February 2, 2015

FROM ANOTHER SNOWY DAY – FEBRUARY 1988

On this snowy February day, I am thinking about a colleague of mine who is scheduled to fly to India tonight. She is worried that due to the weather, the flight will be cancelled. As I am home due to the weather, I am reflecting on an event, 27 years ago....In similar conditions, and heading to the airport in the early morning hours, hoping to catch a flight to Philadelphia. As a former flight attendant, I was quite sure that the flight would be cancelled. I was also pregnant with my first child, and had a little head cold. My ex was determined to visit his friend, so we took a cab to the airport, where we ended up sitting on the plane, only to deplane upon hearing the flight was cancelled. My ex began calling trains and buses in a futile attempt to travel via a different mode. All calls were in vain and we took a cab home. I wasn't disappointed, after sitting on the cold plane, for more than four hours, my cold symptoms had escalated. I conveyed this to my ex, as well as my eager anticipation to get into my warm bed with a cup of tea.  Upon getting home, I crawled into bed, as my ex called a local friend. In his typical over-animated narcissistic verbiage, I heard him describe how the weather was perfect ski weather, and his friend should join him for a impromptu trip to Vermont.  Despite his sick and pregnant wife, my ex rapidly repacked his suitcase with his ski gear, and left for the weekend, before boiling the water for my tea.  Although I should have been lovingly pampered, I was left to care for myself; fortunately something I could do quite well.  In retrospect, I enjoyed the quite solitude instead of having to listen to frustrated narcissistic rage.   

I don't know my colleague's husband, but I am quite certain that if their flight is cancelled tonight, they will rally.  He will brew her a cup of tea, and then they will look for another way to find a flight to India....together.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Returning to Blogging – Part 1

Obviously, it’s been far too long since my last entry.  Sometimes life has a way of getting away from us.  As a writer, those proverbial dry spells do exist, although sometimes it evolves from a lack of passion in our own lives.  My passion for the cause of ending domestic violence, ending parental alienation, and lending guidance to the victim has never waned.  Instead, my focus on the importance of these issues became dormant due to social issues of enormous proportions, which weighed heavily, and still continues to do so, despite another respite.  Fortunately, this is not a component of the fight many of my readers are facing.  I am not involved in any lengthy court battles, or domestic violence.  In fact, my preoccupation is something I could theoretically walk from, had it not involved a family member.  I shall address this in future blogs.  In doing some research, I discovered areas of personality disorders I did not know existed or even had a name.  Therefore, some future blogs will contain some fascinating and frightening information on infantile personality disorder, as well as addiction, gambling and depression. 
Another issue that kept me from blogging was more personable and shareable.  What should have been a happy occurrence became problematic, yet solvable, albeit time consuming.  I was hired for a full time position.  I was hired for a job working for the state in an administrative capacity in an industry that was completely foreign to me.  Not only was it unfamiliar, the learning curve was so great, that only someone with a passion for learning this industry could retain all the acronyms for each department and project.  Although my relegated cubicle was spacious and had a window, the autonomy was slightly more tolerable than the dreaded meetings where I would take minutes that I can only equate to transcribing a meeting conducted in a foreign language.  I suggested a Dictaphone for these meetings.  Sadly, that never came to fruition. 
On the day an invitation to meet with human resources appeared on my calendar, I knew my days were numbered.  I was never one to decorate my office space until I was certain I was sufficiently happy.  Therefore, there was little I needed to collect – a few pictures, and the record of the online and live courses I completed.  Bidding farewell to the woman in the neighboring cubicle – the only person I chatted with in the company, I made my way to the meeting. 
I was ushered into a conference room, with my immediate supervisor, who sat in awkward silence.  The human resource generalist, who I knew from previous meetings greeted me cheerily, but then sympathetically told me that “this is not a happy meeting”.  I replied, “I know,” although I had a huge smile on my face.  I knew I was being released from a job that simply did not work for me.  No remorse, no regrets, no anger…not every job is meant for every person.  Despite the generous salary, the weight of the stress of the workday had become intolerable.  My dismissal, as well as the ability to collect unemployment as far more desirable, despite the uncertainty of obtaining alternate employment.
In paralleling that separation to a marital dissolution, it occurred to me how similar I felt.  When I separated from my abuser, I felt relief.  I felt happy in moving on with my life.  I was optimistic for new opportunities. I left a marriage that did not work for me, just like leaving a job that did not work for me.  The only difference was who initiated the separation.  I imitated the marital separation, contrary to my former company who initiated the separation.   I looked at the latter split as a sensible culmination.  I had been looking at places outside of my workplace for something else, just as my former husband had been looking outside the marriage for someone else.  Why was my initiation of ending an unsatisfying union met with such anger and retaliation?  We have all read about the disgruntled employees who retaliate with violence after being terminated from employment.  These individuals are usually determined to be unstable and suffering from some psychological illness. 
With that analogy, perhaps my career aspirations should have been the law, as that comparison has won my case.  Isn’t it ironic that family court judges are not that insightful? 

            

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Religion and the Narcissist

As the Jewish people just ushered in the year 5774 on the Hebrew Calendar, we are at the time of year when we celebrate, as well as repent for any sins during the previous year.  The Jewish New Year of Rosh Hashanah is followed by the Day of Atonement – Yom Kippur.  During the synagogue service, as we chant the prayer asking for forgiveness, we gently pound our heart as a symbol of sincerity of the intentions of our prayer.  I chant all the prayers as well, but have a real problem with forgiveness, but only toward my former husband, who has abused my children in the name of vengeance. 

You often hear of the parents of slain children forgiving their child’s murderer.  Whether an accident or a single criminal act caused their demise, the offense could be deemed bad judgment or attributed to mental illness.  In most cases the perpetrator did not wake up that morning and announce the name of the person he was planning to murder.  I am certainly not condoning a killing, but there is a difference between a horrific spur-of-the- moment or nameless choice versus a premeditated and purposeful act of cruelty.  As the convicted perpetrators sometimes apologize to the family professing their remorse, one can only hope the sincerity they are conveying is genuine.  As their admittance does not give them a lesser sentence, I would tend to believe they are sincere.

It is with that same tone of sincerity that the father of my children uttered the lies he has fabricated endlessly throughout the years.  Sometimes I will be questioned about his side of the story, and I reply that I cannot answer, as I never know what he is going to say, as his accusations often change, and are always untrue.  It is difficult to determine if he really believes what he says, or if he is internally gloating as to the way he has manipulated and brainwashed my children.  Another part of me wonders why I am so important to him that he has carried out this constant alienation since our 1997 divorce.  He did not find himself homeless.  He did not lose his job.  He did not have to pay child support.  He was already in another relationship.  He did, however, lose me.  I guess that was enough to anger him and vent his anger to the children.  They would tell me, “Dad says he cannot stand the sight of you.”  Or when I was pregnant, they would repeat the sickening utterances from their future stepmother, “Mariann says that the baby is going to be born blind and deaf.”     

Trying to justify the lack of importance of forgiveness is unnecessary, as these are two soulless people and beyond repentance.  I do not know much about Mariann’s religious upbringing, only the fact she brashly ignored many of the Ten Commandments and brazenly flaunted her marital indiscretions.  My ex was raised by his adopted Jewish family.  As his birth mother was Jewish as well, he was recognized as a member of the tribe.  But, as a narcissist, he could never fit in with the Jewish community.  As a narcissist, he wanted to be viewed as omnipotent, but Jews believe there is only one God.  Catholics believe in the trinity, not the quartet.       

So he had to find other individuals who would treat him as a God, as the leader of their pathetic little group.  He fit in by being the one with the best weed, the one with the cocaine, the most successful fornicator, and the daring rule breaker.  He laughed off every indiscretion, every arrest, and every discarded woman.  He found his mass love outside of the societal norms.  Still, the nagging knowledge that he was not renowned within the Jewish community became a personal affront, so he would mock the Jewish faith.  He could not respect the religion that would not view him as a leader, and would go against each tradition as retaliation.  Marrying a woman who embraced her Judaism, enabled him to often taunt and devalue the traditional beliefs, raising him to the standards he considered higher, and more important. When he mocked his religious and its values, it made him feel as if he was on a larger playing field, and above those who followed an organized religion. 


It seems as if an individual with outspoken sacrilegious actions, belief and words, and motivated with bad intent should be met with swift and complete punishment.  But it appears that God has a bigger plan.  Upon the day we are finally judged, I do not believe forgiveness will be shown.  I do not believe I will share my eternity in the same place as my ex.  A narcissist finds it hellish when people do not put him in a position of power, and do not listen with rapt attention to his words, or laugh at his pathetic attempts at humor.  Hell for a narcissist is a room where the audience is bored with his performance.  Hell is a lack of attention and applause, and perhaps even leaving the narcissist to perform in agonizing solitude.  Something about that vision is deliciously just and almost worth a peek.  But I have already walked out on that show.

Monday, August 26, 2013

PARENTAL ALIENATION: Just because YOU were a failure as a spouse doesn’t make ME a failure as a parent.

I was a good mother. I cherished my role.  Even from the very beginning my nurturing abilities were instinctive.  I nursed my children instead of giving them formula.  I prepared their first meals with natural ingredients in my food processor.  I took them on daily outings.  As babies and toddlers, they enjoyed weekly playgroups.  Their medical and dental care was always up-to-date.  They were always bathed and dressed in freshly laundered clothing.  There was nothing they lacked, except for paternal interaction. 

Their father frequently proclaimed that because he worked during the day, he should not have to take care of the children.  He considered them “work”, and announced their activities “boring”.  His life centered on his job, getting high with his friends, spending time on his boat, dalliances with other women and his drug dealings.  His choice of lifestyle greatly conflicted on my family values.  I always believed that family came first.  I always anticipated dinners, activities and outings with my family.  Instead, I had solitary meals with my children.  I had no access to money, so our activities were limited to my creativity.  Everything in my life was controlled by my husband’s rules and temper.  I bore the brunt of his anger, but my sons were victim as well.  They wore the marks of his beating, and endured the scars of his harsh threats.  I was too frightened to call the police, as I felt it was my fault for my inability to stop his attack on my sons, and feared he would next turn his anger on my 2 year old daughter, and surely killed her.  I thought I would be punished for his abuse and lose custody of my children.      

Night after night, I would pray for a way to be rescued.  I found my escape in the form of an inheritance from my great uncle.  Having my own money meant freedom, and I eventually used every penny to leave and hire a divorce attorney.  Life without him meant peace.  My heart palpitations stopped, as did my stress.  I viewed my lifestyle changes and going back to work as a small price to pay for being able to breathe again.  I had no anger toward my ex husband; I merely did not want him as a life partner.      

The fact I filed for divorce meant much more to him than the dissolution of a marriage.  Divorce meant he had failed as a husband and a father.  To view it that dramatically was not unusual for a man who met all the components of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder.  It is not uncommon for two personality disorders to merge, but when they do, it makes for an extremely dangerous individual.  The narcissistic sociopath believes the world revolves around him, is concerned with only his needs, feels societal rules do not apply to him, and has no empathy toward others.  Severing a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath, creates a reaction that is severe and retaliation that is cruel.  They are incredulous that someone would leave someone as wonderful as he believes himself to be, and evokes the need to prove to the world that she is actually the crazy person. 

Despite his years of disinterest in the children, he filed for custody.  Serving as his accomplice was a woman chosen solely for her willingness to obey his directions and provide childcare, so he would not have to alter his lifestyle.  Along with his lawyer who had previous sanctions for unethical practices in custody cases, he was prepared to implement his punishment to the mother of his children for ending the marriage.

It seemed impossible that a judge would actually award custody to this man, yet, by using her unscrupulous tactics, his attorney was able to find a judge who changed the custody.  It did not matter that he had a criminal record, was a drug dealer, and batterer.  He denied everything – even the submitted pictures of his fingerprints on my neck after he strangled me; and appallingly he was awarded sole physical and legal custody.  

I was granted liberal visitation, and did not have to pay child support.  Although heartbroken from the unfairness, I continued to parent successfully, becoming extremely resourceful in juggling my meager salary to provide a loving lifestyle for my children.  I rallied and began to experience many positive changes.  But each happy occurrence was like a thorn in the side of my ex husband, causing him to retaliate in some cruel ways, usually to the detriment of the children.  He did not allow them to bring clothing or toys to my home, he stopped their medical and dental care, and he cut off my daughter’s long hair.  Each joyful event in my life was punctuated with another malicious deed, even a physical attack when I was pregnant with my new husband’s baby.     

But anything he did or said could not erase my children’s memories of the loving mother that used to tuck them into bed each night.  So, my ex had to take more drastic steps.  He filed false criminal charges against me, and brought an ex-parte motion into court on my birthday to halt my visits; resulting in the outcome he desired, lasting more than four childless years, based on a lie.  During that time, he would show court documents to my children and tell them, “Your mother did something very bad”, tainting their memories.

After years of fighting the judicial system, I was reunited with three strangers, who had become teenagers during the lost years.  Although parts of their memories were unblemished, their father had created doubts.  Despite the loving thoughts that may have sustained them during those vacant years, reservations were thrown into their young minds creating confusion of what they really remembered. 

As we slowly began to rebuild a relationship, my ex requested we forget the past and start fresh.  Agreeing for the sake of the children, I should have realized that he had not changed.  He still viewed each positive change in my life as a dagger of his own defeat.  The more the children enjoyed time with me and their younger sister became the trigger my ex needed to build upon the chain of maternal negativity he had been creating for years.  And this time it had to be final.

He used every method of negating anything I did for them, as well as taunting them that I only cared about my youngest daughter and spent all my money on her without revealing she received monthly stipends from her late father.  One by one, they broke off communication with me.  They would never reveal why they were doing so.  Any calls, letters or e-mails were ignored.  My final attempt was an e-mail I sent informing them that their only biological grandparent had passed away.  My sons ignored the news, but my older daughter, who had once written a note to me in crayon stating she wanted to live with me every day of the week and not just weekends, sent a cruel message indicating that she did not feel it was important to go to her grandmother’s funeral because the relationship she had with her “wasn’t pleasant”.  Despite my attempt to inform her that attending a funeral was to support the living, her responses were bitter, unbending, and gloating of her “wonderful life” with her father. 

I can only feel pity for three children whose memories have been replaced by bogus horror stories fed to them since childhood.  I can feel sadness that they have been raised by someone seeking vengeance rather than offering love.  My ex has not changed his ways.  His lifestyle still revolves around himself and his desires.  In contrast, my youngest daughter has enjoyed the benefits of being raised with unselfish love.  She attended private school, summer camp and has traveled to Israel.  Her medical and dental care is up-to-date, and she has embraced her religion.  She has grown up with all the traditional support and values celebrated within wholesome family environments. 

In predicting the future of my alienated children, I fear they will be faced with a myriad of problems and obstacles.  From behaviors I have witnessed, I see years of counseling.  Should they choose to seek answers, it will mean looking at themselves and their past, something that many people are too frightened to learn.  Maybe they will then turn to me for answers.  I hope that the truth will bring some clarity to them and dredge up the memories of the mother who cared for them, and the father who was seldom there.  I hope they will come to their own conclusions; for if they chose to alienate their father, it will be of their own decision, and desire to erase the demon of their past.