Why Would She Alienate Someone Else's Children?

My older daughter does not speak to me.  She is 25 years old, and hasn't spoken to me since 2015. Our last communication was a series of cruel texts to me regarding a picture of her former stepmother, I photoshopped to enhance the evil emanating within her soul.  I simply enhanced her ugliness. To digress; This was a woman who enthusiastically contributed to the alienation of my children.  What kind of person would purposely try to destroy the relationship between someone else's children and their biological mother?  What kind of woman would obey a man who's sole purpose was to punish his ex-wife for divorcing him, and using the children to do so? This is not the behavior of a person who is decent or mentally sane.  This is the behavior of a mentally damaged monster.  To no surprise, Mariann was dumped by my ex-husband over 10 years ago yet she clung to my children because they are a tie to him.  Mariann lacks the self-respect to walk away from my children, and encourage them have a relationship with their mother.  She continues to ingratiate herself into their lives, even with my grandson who I have never met. 

And why do I write about her?  Do the parents of murdered children forgive the one who took their children away from them?  Sharon Tate's sister continues to go to court and speak out against the Manson family who killed her sister in 1969. Debra Tate wants justice, and so do I.  I will never stop pointing my finger at the monster who alienated my children. 

Mariann had no reason to continue a relationship with my children. Her interference with my relationship with my children is criminal, and has been exceedingly inappropriate since they were very young.  One of the most disgusting thing she did was tell my daughter my fourth child was going to be born blind and deaf.  Who else but an evil monster would ever think of telling a six-year-old something so horrific? She also cut my daughters's hair, and took her to have her ears pierced.  This is something a predator would do.  The court never gave her any kind of rights regarding my children.

The picture I posted upset my daughter, as it was a picture of "someone she loves".  However, her feelings regarding Mariann were huge spoon fed lies, shoveled down her throat until she was forced to except it, without question. But I know the truth.  And my daughter is terrified to ask any questions, and learn the truth.

Although my daughter knows I am a domestic violence advocate who has written a book describing my life as the victim of her abusive father, and an international speaker who encourages women to speak out against their abuser, she doesn't question me; instead she denies she is "brainwashed".  However, someone who IS brainwashed is unaware of it.

My daughter endured almost 5 years of being brainwashed after her father filed false criminal charges against me. Although the charges had nothing to do with my relationship with my children, and the charges were dropped, and the findings reversed, the 5 years of

"No contact" with my children gave my ex and Mariann plenty of time to infiltrate my children's minds and plant the lies of alienation.

My daughter didn't question why she had to see me in the visitation center, nor did she question why the warranted fees associated with the visits were waived.  ANSWER: The therapists interviewed my ex and determined he was a domestic batterer and I was a victim, so my fee was waived.  This is a fact; Yet my daughter refuses to acknowledge her father was abusive, or questioned Mariann's enthusiasm to alienate her against her mother. 

The "person she loves" was having an affair with her father.  My daughter was too young to understand, yet years later, she never questioned the details. Most children are angry at the parent who is unfaithful.  My children never questioned their father's infidelity and bonded to the "other woman", who flaunted the affair as if it made her important.

It seems as if their early memories with me are erased...and THAT is obviously brainwashing. I remember the early years, and so to all my friends. My children were so attached to me, and their father was never home. His absence was the topic of most of our arguments.  I wanted a family, and he wanted to be with his friends (and other women). Why are they so afraid to learn the truth?

The only reason he wanted custody was because Mariann agreed to take them into her home.  Prior to her, my ex refused to take the children on overnight visits. He could not find an accomplice until he met Mariann.

What kind of woman would disrupt her own children's lives and bring a new man into her house and bed, days after throwing out their father? What kind of woman would agree to comply with a man's lies to take children away from their biological mother?  No decent, self-respecting woman would ever agree. Personally, I would certainly find fault with a man who wanted to do such a horrendous deed.  But Mariann is mentally unstable, and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Her confused priorities, and low self esteem led her to believe she would find self importance in playing a key figure in a custody battle. Mariann was the perfect pawn, easily manipulated to the point of disassociating herself from her own daughters by changing her name when she married my ex. Most mothers keep their married name, to share with their children, despite a divorce.  But a man was more important than her own daughters. She made them accomplices, instructing them to tell my children I did not want to talk to them when I called. Is that what a good mother makes her own children do?

Most recently, she refused to return my belongings that were in her house. Despite the fact I had a court order from 1996 with the list of my property, Mariann lied to the police. Why is she continuing to act this way?  Another sign of mental illness.

My daughter does not speak to me because I posted a picture which was an accurate depiction of an ugly woman with an ugly heart, yet this was "someone she loved". 

My daughter has no memory of her biological mother - the one she first loved.  I was the one who carried her (despite her father's request to abort because he "did not want three children").  I took care of her when she came home jaundiced.  I sat with her, begging her to drink when she had a stomach bug so severe her doctor was about to admit her to the hospital.  When she got an infection on her foot, and when she got kicked in the mouth, I took her to the doctor, and the dentist to make sure the infection didn't spread, and she didn't lose a tooth. (When her father had custody, all medical and dental appointments stopped). My daughter was fortunate I re-entered her life and got her braces for her teeth.  Yes, this 25 year old once loved me, because I was her mother. I was the person who cared about her and only her, not because I was trying to get with some man.  Now her "mother figure" is a whore who stole her affections with lies and cruelty. 

I do not care if this post hurts my daughter.  It's meant to jar her into reality.  I am crying out for the same justice for my children as Debra Tate does for her sister.  My feelings toward my daughter deep down is the love a mother would have for a child who died.  But in real time, it's profound disappointment and disdain. 

And as long as the insane woman is in my daughter's life, there is no room for me.  I will never share my daughter nor show Mariann respect after how she destroyed my children.  I did not care about the affair with my husband because she wasn't the first one and she wasn't the last.  My daughter and sons are damaged products of what happens when children are denied a loving mother.  I have little faith they will have successful relationships.  (My daughter told me my oldest son does not have his son for overnight visits.) 

I had three beautiful children, who I was raising beautifully and lovingly. They have become cruel strangers, and I am embarrassed for them as they did not inherit one shred of common sense to ask questions… Yet I realize they are severely alienated and yes, brainwashed, by an abusive man and an equally abusive woman named Mariann. 

I am fortunate to have another daughter who I raised with love and propriety.  She is a responsible young adult with goals, and self-respect, and has made me very proud. 

My feelings for my three oldest children range from pity to anger;  I realize they too ARE victims. Perhaps they will someday question the lies.  Perhaps they will feel anger and sadness and will undoubtedly need years of therapy to undo the damage.  Or perhaps they will just continue with the unfounded anger they bear toward their biological mother.  I wonder if someday they will feel the pain of growing up without a mother. 

Mariann is not their mother.  She's a pathetic excuse for a mother who disregards the damage she's done. She is worse than domestic batterer, because she has preyed on the innocence of my children for a man who left her.  Mariann had free will to make her decisions, and chose to hurt my children, instead of being a decent person and walking away.  Hey Mariann - it's never too late to walk away. 

An Uncanny Resemblance

When I became a mother, my diligence to my son’s daily care was just as significant as the extras I provided.  My innate awareness grew from my intense love which meant putting his needs before my own.  From my first days of motherhood, I thought of making each day special and began with daily walks in the fresh air.  As years went by, I incorporated activities for my three children by daily outings of visits to parks and playgrounds or playing in the leaves and or snow in our yard.  I was a mom who happily endured the cold to create snowmen even if the children opted to gleefully watch from the warmth of the house.  Their happiness was my happiness.   

During my separation from their father, I maintained our lifestyle.  My children barely reacted as they were used to his lengthy absences.  However, my routine had changed and sometimes I utilized the help of a babysitter, for a job interview or work, and occasional socializing, which I intended to keep from my children.  But sometimes when you least expect it….    

…To digress to a summer dinner at my house with several friends, and an unexpected addition of someone new, young and very cute. Undeniable mutual attraction, including my older son captivated by this kind and gentle man enthusiastically playing catch  in the yard, something never experienced with his own father. The next month, I reconciled with my ex, and informed my son his father was moving home.  With tears in his eyes, he expressed his preference for this new man instead of his father, apparently favoring a willing and doting “father figure” rather than his own, sensing his indifference and infrequent appearances in the family home. 

But, a divorce was inevitable, and I steadfastly maintained propriety, keeping my social life away from my home.  It was important for my children to be excluded from this, yet it served as an important process in my own healing as I began to discover men who did not believe the world centered around them. 

But, my ex rushed the children to his girlfriend’s house, calling her fiancé and her teenaged daughters “stepsisters”.  Although he had been dating her during our marriage, she was a stranger to my children; yet they were forced to sleep at her house, and share a bedroom with a stranger.    

Never addressed was how these young teenagers reacted to the abrupt intrusion in their lives.  After all, without preparation or introduction, the day after their father moved out, their mother brought an outsider into her home and bed.   Recently I learned that this event stayed with these girls for years, as they expressed their disdain with a comment, “(Mom) never told us about moving (him) into the house.”  I was appalled.     

In 1996, the guardian ad litem suggested my children live with this woman without investigation.  She relied solely on what my ex told her, and never sought to substantiate the information by anyone else, signing her name on a report advising my children live with a woman who clearly thought only of herself, and acted in a way that was anything but motherly. 

Who takes the blame for this?  The charismatic sociopath who masterminded everything, much in the way Charles Manson choreographed the most horrific murders in history?  Or do we punish the puppets?  The ones who obeyed either in stupidity and selfishness as the girlfriend; or with blindness, ignoring the authority they were given yet overlooked their responsibility?  And a huge question still stands of why would someone disregard the job they were paid to do when the lives of three innocent children were at stake? 

The lost children of the Manson family were troubled individuals, looking for acceptance, much in the way of my ex’s girlfriend.  Believing they found someone so special, they would do his bidding without thinking of the legal or moral ramifications.  But one would trust that an educated woman would not routinely allow herself to be charmed enough to ignore the standards of a GAL.  Perhaps her husband, the former judge, isn’t keeping up his end of the bargain and she is seeking a replacement albeit in fantasy?  Still working for the courts, she is guided by that same demon methodically destroying other children, the same way she devastated the lives of my three beautiful children.  

Imagine how many lives would have been saved if the Manson family members refused to do his bidding.  Imagine what it would have been like if the GAL laughed at the allegations of a narcissistic sociopath and did her job correctly.  Her hands would have been clean.  The girlfriend would have been abandoned, as she no longer served her purpose, but her daughters would have been spared of the knowledge that their mother was uncaring and promiscuous. 

Still, I fear my children would not have been reprieved.  Like Charlie, my ex had many resources to accomplish his deed which has been proved over the years.  I fear the fate of my oldest children was tragically sealed on the day I recited my marriage vows.