Monday, November 5, 2012

The Damaged Child

Parental Alienation was a term coined by the late Richard Gardner.  By claiming the custodial parent was poisoning the minds of the child(ren) against the other parent, the ridiculous Guardian ad Litem (GAL) was implemented in probate court.  The GAL system is far from flawless; it merely gives an obviously power-hungry individual the right to unilaterally determine parenting responsibilities, thus handing over the reins to the parent they deemed “fit”.  Unfortunately, GALs were uneducated about the effects of domestic abuse, and had no knowledge of personality disorders.  Therefore, it was easy for a narcissistic sociopath to charm a GAL in order to get awarded custody.  And with that custody, the parent was able to continue his abuse by alienating the children from the non-custodial parent.  Richard Gardner was a mentally unstable man who eventually committed suicide.  Those who understand the damage he created balk from using the term, Parental Alienation.  Some anti-Gardner groups are using the phrase, Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HOP), and defining it as “one parent mentally abuses the children causing them to reject the other parent”. 

One GAL in Massachusetts has earned a reputation of “liking men”.  Her meeting with the husband, a true narcissistic sociopath and abuser had her heart all a-flutter, charming her to the point of writing a blatantly slanted and contradictory report; actually kind of embarrassing for a woman with her credentials.  But, she was so enamored, she ignored the job she was hired to do, instead complying with the husband's wishes.  She gave him the opportunity to use the power she held in court to “punish” his ex for divorcing him by using the children as innocent pawns, as a Hostile Aggressive parent.  Synonyms for HOP are unsympathetic and insistently destructive…and this is frightening.  As a narcissistic sociopath, this man had no empathy, and his vengeance was unrelentingly vicious.  His need for retaliation reeked from his pores, and his entire being was consumed with spreading the word about his purportedly horrible ex-wife for years, including his children, as well as their young friends.  This fixation never waivered and profoundly damaged the children who were constantly taunted by their peers about their mother. 

This is particularly heartbreaking on several accounts.  During their marriage, the father had demanded his former wife abort all three children.  He had never been home to help care or nurture them as he considered it “work”.  He admitted being physically abusive to his young sons, and had a history of criminal behavior.  The wife had a loving relationship with the children and was an avid participant in their lives.  But one by one, the hostile aggressive parent destroyed the relationships by handing the children monetary gifts with one hand and feeding them lies about their mother with the other hand. 

The children were hardened into cruel robots created by a sociopath driven by what he perceived as “intolerable rejection” from his former wife.  Even with his spiteful severing of maternal love, one last try was attempted to soften the children.  They received a message that their maternal grandmother had passed away, with information about her funeral.  Since their father had been adopted, she was their only biological grandparent.  The sons ignored their mother, but the daughter answered with malice dredged from a place so dark, it’s almost incomprehensible.         

These are the words of a once sweet and beautiful daughter, whose intense attachment to her mother was murdered by her father’s lies. (Directly from her text) 

  • I don't feel like she was involved in my life and the part that she was was not a good one.

·        I do not feel obligated to go to my grandmothers funeral who was never there for me or my brothers..not to mention when she was around it wasn't pleasant for me

·        You don't even know anything about my life anymore. I do hope you are not truthfully planning on me changing my mind on anything because I can assure you that will not be an occurance. If you decided to agree to disagree then that is the best I can do. Sorry you feel so sympathetic for me, I think it is kind of humerous considering I couldn't be living a better life thanks to my father.

This is what our courts are allowing.  This is an example of the products emerging from our probate courts.  I dread to think what our courts will be like when these children begin to wage their own legal battles, as the stage has been set for failed relationships.  For more information on exactly how this can occur, please order my book, “…Until You Die”: The Narcissist’s Promise online at or  Feel free to contact me for speaking engagements or book signings.  

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