Why Would She Alienate Someone Else's Children?

My older daughter does not speak to me.  She is 25 years old, and hasn't spoken to me since 2015. Our last communication was a series of cruel texts to me regarding a picture of her former stepmother, I photoshopped to enhance the evil emanating within her soul.  I simply enhanced her ugliness. To digress; This was a woman who enthusiastically contributed to the alienation of my children.  What kind of person would purposely try to destroy the relationship between someone else's children and their biological mother?  What kind of woman would obey a man who's sole purpose was to punish his ex-wife for divorcing him, and using the children to do so? This is not the behavior of a person who is decent or mentally sane.  This is the behavior of a mentally damaged monster.  To no surprise, Mariann was dumped by my ex-husband over 10 years ago yet she clung to my children because they are a tie to him.  Mariann lacks the self-respect to walk away from my children, and encourage them have a relationship with their mother.  She continues to ingratiate herself into their lives, even with my grandson who I have never met. 

And why do I write about her?  Do the parents of murdered children forgive the one who took their children away from them?  Sharon Tate's sister continues to go to court and speak out against the Manson family who killed her sister in 1969. Debra Tate wants justice, and so do I.  I will never stop pointing my finger at the monster who alienated my children. 

Mariann had no reason to continue a relationship with my children. Her interference with my relationship with my children is criminal, and has been exceedingly inappropriate since they were very young.  One of the most disgusting thing she did was tell my daughter my fourth child was going to be born blind and deaf.  Who else but an evil monster would ever think of telling a six-year-old something so horrific? She also cut my daughters's hair, and took her to have her ears pierced.  This is something a predator would do.  The court never gave her any kind of rights regarding my children.

The picture I posted upset my daughter, as it was a picture of "someone she loves".  However, her feelings regarding Mariann were huge spoon fed lies, shoveled down her throat until she was forced to except it, without question. But I know the truth.  And my daughter is terrified to ask any questions, and learn the truth.

Although my daughter knows I am a domestic violence advocate who has written a book describing my life as the victim of her abusive father, and an international speaker who encourages women to speak out against their abuser, she doesn't question me; instead she denies she is "brainwashed".  However, someone who IS brainwashed is unaware of it.

My daughter endured almost 5 years of being brainwashed after her father filed false criminal charges against me. Although the charges had nothing to do with my relationship with my children, and the charges were dropped, and the findings reversed, the 5 years of

"No contact" with my children gave my ex and Mariann plenty of time to infiltrate my children's minds and plant the lies of alienation.

My daughter didn't question why she had to see me in the visitation center, nor did she question why the warranted fees associated with the visits were waived.  ANSWER: The therapists interviewed my ex and determined he was a domestic batterer and I was a victim, so my fee was waived.  This is a fact; Yet my daughter refuses to acknowledge her father was abusive, or questioned Mariann's enthusiasm to alienate her against her mother. 

The "person she loves" was having an affair with her father.  My daughter was too young to understand, yet years later, she never questioned the details. Most children are angry at the parent who is unfaithful.  My children never questioned their father's infidelity and bonded to the "other woman", who flaunted the affair as if it made her important.

It seems as if their early memories with me are erased...and THAT is obviously brainwashing. I remember the early years, and so to all my friends. My children were so attached to me, and their father was never home. His absence was the topic of most of our arguments.  I wanted a family, and he wanted to be with his friends (and other women). Why are they so afraid to learn the truth?

The only reason he wanted custody was because Mariann agreed to take them into her home.  Prior to her, my ex refused to take the children on overnight visits. He could not find an accomplice until he met Mariann.

What kind of woman would disrupt her own children's lives and bring a new man into her house and bed, days after throwing out their father? What kind of woman would agree to comply with a man's lies to take children away from their biological mother?  No decent, self-respecting woman would ever agree. Personally, I would certainly find fault with a man who wanted to do such a horrendous deed.  But Mariann is mentally unstable, and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Her confused priorities, and low self esteem led her to believe she would find self importance in playing a key figure in a custody battle. Mariann was the perfect pawn, easily manipulated to the point of disassociating herself from her own daughters by changing her name when she married my ex. Most mothers keep their married name, to share with their children, despite a divorce.  But a man was more important than her own daughters. She made them accomplices, instructing them to tell my children I did not want to talk to them when I called. Is that what a good mother makes her own children do?

Most recently, she refused to return my belongings that were in her house. Despite the fact I had a court order from 1996 with the list of my property, Mariann lied to the police. Why is she continuing to act this way?  Another sign of mental illness.

My daughter does not speak to me because I posted a picture which was an accurate depiction of an ugly woman with an ugly heart, yet this was "someone she loved". 

My daughter has no memory of her biological mother - the one she first loved.  I was the one who carried her (despite her father's request to abort because he "did not want three children").  I took care of her when she came home jaundiced.  I sat with her, begging her to drink when she had a stomach bug so severe her doctor was about to admit her to the hospital.  When she got an infection on her foot, and when she got kicked in the mouth, I took her to the doctor, and the dentist to make sure the infection didn't spread, and she didn't lose a tooth. (When her father had custody, all medical and dental appointments stopped). My daughter was fortunate I re-entered her life and got her braces for her teeth.  Yes, this 25 year old once loved me, because I was her mother. I was the person who cared about her and only her, not because I was trying to get with some man.  Now her "mother figure" is a whore who stole her affections with lies and cruelty. 

I do not care if this post hurts my daughter.  It's meant to jar her into reality.  I am crying out for the same justice for my children as Debra Tate does for her sister.  My feelings toward my daughter deep down is the love a mother would have for a child who died.  But in real time, it's profound disappointment and disdain. 

And as long as the insane woman is in my daughter's life, there is no room for me.  I will never share my daughter nor show Mariann respect after how she destroyed my children.  I did not care about the affair with my husband because she wasn't the first one and she wasn't the last.  My daughter and sons are damaged products of what happens when children are denied a loving mother.  I have little faith they will have successful relationships.  (My daughter told me my oldest son does not have his son for overnight visits.) 

I had three beautiful children, who I was raising beautifully and lovingly. They have become cruel strangers, and I am embarrassed for them as they did not inherit one shred of common sense to ask questions… Yet I realize they are severely alienated and yes, brainwashed, by an abusive man and an equally abusive woman named Mariann. 

I am fortunate to have another daughter who I raised with love and propriety.  She is a responsible young adult with goals, and self-respect, and has made me very proud. 

My feelings for my three oldest children range from pity to anger;  I realize they too ARE victims. Perhaps they will someday question the lies.  Perhaps they will feel anger and sadness and will undoubtedly need years of therapy to undo the damage.  Or perhaps they will just continue with the unfounded anger they bear toward their biological mother.  I wonder if someday they will feel the pain of growing up without a mother. 

Mariann is not their mother.  She's a pathetic excuse for a mother who disregards the damage she's done. She is worse than domestic batterer, because she has preyed on the innocence of my children for a man who left her.  Mariann had free will to make her decisions, and chose to hurt my children, instead of being a decent person and walking away.  Hey Mariann - it's never too late to walk away. 

PARENTAL ALIENATION: Just because YOU were a failure as a spouse doesn’t make ME a failure as a parent.

I was a good mother. I cherished my role.  Even from the very beginning my nurturing abilities were instinctive.  I nursed my children instead of giving them formula.  I prepared their first meals with natural ingredients in my food processor.  I took them on daily outings.  As babies and toddlers, they enjoyed weekly playgroups.  Their medical and dental care was always up-to-date.  They were always bathed and dressed in freshly laundered clothing.  There was nothing they lacked, except for paternal interaction. 

Their father frequently proclaimed that because he worked during the day, he should not have to take care of the children.  He considered them “work”, and announced their activities “boring”.  His life centered on his job, getting high with his friends, spending time on his boat, dalliances with other women and his drug dealings.  His choice of lifestyle greatly conflicted on my family values.  I always believed that family came first.  I always anticipated dinners, activities and outings with my family.  Instead, I had solitary meals with my children.  I had no access to money, so our activities were limited to my creativity.  Everything in my life was controlled by my husband’s rules and temper.  I bore the brunt of his anger, but my sons were victim as well.  They wore the marks of his beating, and endured the scars of his harsh threats.  I was too frightened to call the police, as I felt it was my fault for my inability to stop his attack on my sons, and feared he would next turn his anger on my 2 year old daughter, and surely killed her.  I thought I would be punished for his abuse and lose custody of my children.      

Night after night, I would pray for a way to be rescued.  I found my escape in the form of an inheritance from my great uncle.  Having my own money meant freedom, and I eventually used every penny to leave and hire a divorce attorney.  Life without him meant peace.  My heart palpitations stopped, as did my stress.  I viewed my lifestyle changes and going back to work as a small price to pay for being able to breathe again.  I had no anger toward my ex husband; I merely did not want him as a life partner.      

The fact I filed for divorce meant much more to him than the dissolution of a marriage.  Divorce meant he had failed as a husband and a father.  To view it that dramatically was not unusual for a man who met all the components of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder.  It is not uncommon for two personality disorders to merge, but when they do, it makes for an extremely dangerous individual.  The narcissistic sociopath believes the world revolves around him, is concerned with only his needs, feels societal rules do not apply to him, and has no empathy toward others.  Severing a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath, creates a reaction that is severe and retaliation that is cruel.  They are incredulous that someone would leave someone as wonderful as he believes himself to be, and evokes the need to prove to the world that she is actually the crazy person. 

Despite his years of disinterest in the children, he filed for custody.  Serving as his accomplice was a woman chosen solely for her willingness to obey his directions and provide childcare, so he would not have to alter his lifestyle.  Along with his lawyer who had previous sanctions for unethical practices in custody cases, he was prepared to implement his punishment to the mother of his children for ending the marriage.

It seemed impossible that a judge would actually award custody to this man, yet, by using her unscrupulous tactics, his attorney was able to find a judge who changed the custody.  It did not matter that he had a criminal record, was a drug dealer, and batterer.  He denied everything – even the submitted pictures of his fingerprints on my neck after he strangled me; and appallingly he was awarded sole physical and legal custody.  

I was granted liberal visitation, and did not have to pay child support.  Although heartbroken from the unfairness, I continued to parent successfully, becoming extremely resourceful in juggling my meager salary to provide a loving lifestyle for my children.  I rallied and began to experience many positive changes.  But each happy occurrence was like a thorn in the side of my ex husband, causing him to retaliate in some cruel ways, usually to the detriment of the children.  He did not allow them to bring clothing or toys to my home, he stopped their medical and dental care, and he cut off my daughter’s long hair.  Each joyful event in my life was punctuated with another malicious deed, even a physical attack when I was pregnant with my new husband’s baby.     

But anything he did or said could not erase my children’s memories of the loving mother that used to tuck them into bed each night.  So, my ex had to take more drastic steps.  He filed false criminal charges against me, and brought an ex-parte motion into court on my birthday to halt my visits; resulting in the outcome he desired, lasting more than four childless years, based on a lie.  During that time, he would show court documents to my children and tell them, “Your mother did something very bad”, tainting their memories.

After years of fighting the judicial system, I was reunited with three strangers, who had become teenagers during the lost years.  Although parts of their memories were unblemished, their father had created doubts.  Despite the loving thoughts that may have sustained them during those vacant years, reservations were thrown into their young minds creating confusion of what they really remembered. 

As we slowly began to rebuild a relationship, my ex requested we forget the past and start fresh.  Agreeing for the sake of the children, I should have realized that he had not changed.  He still viewed each positive change in my life as a dagger of his own defeat.  The more the children enjoyed time with me and their younger sister became the trigger my ex needed to build upon the chain of maternal negativity he had been creating for years.  And this time it had to be final.

He used every method of negating anything I did for them, as well as taunting them that I only cared about my youngest daughter and spent all my money on her without revealing she received monthly stipends from her late father.  One by one, they broke off communication with me.  They would never reveal why they were doing so.  Any calls, letters or e-mails were ignored.  My final attempt was an e-mail I sent informing them that their only biological grandparent had passed away.  My sons ignored the news, but my older daughter, who had once written a note to me in crayon stating she wanted to live with me every day of the week and not just weekends, sent a cruel message indicating that she did not feel it was important to go to her grandmother’s funeral because the relationship she had with her “wasn’t pleasant”.  Despite my attempt to inform her that attending a funeral was to support the living, her responses were bitter, unbending, and gloating of her “wonderful life” with her father. 

I can only feel pity for three children whose memories have been replaced by bogus horror stories fed to them since childhood.  I can feel sadness that they have been raised by someone seeking vengeance rather than offering love.  My ex has not changed his ways.  His lifestyle still revolves around himself and his desires.  In contrast, my youngest daughter has enjoyed the benefits of being raised with unselfish love.  She attended private school, summer camp and has traveled to Israel.  Her medical and dental care is up-to-date, and she has embraced her religion.  She has grown up with all the traditional support and values celebrated within wholesome family environments. 

In predicting the future of my alienated children, I fear they will be faced with a myriad of problems and obstacles.  From behaviors I have witnessed, I see years of counseling.  Should they choose to seek answers, it will mean looking at themselves and their past, something that many people are too frightened to learn.  Maybe they will then turn to me for answers.  I hope that the truth will bring some clarity to them and dredge up the memories of the mother who cared for them, and the father who was seldom there.  I hope they will come to their own conclusions; for if they chose to alienate their father, it will be of their own decision, and desire to erase the demon of their past.