October 1st marks the first day of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PREVENTION MONTH

Domestic violence is a term heard too often in today's society.  Some people still believe they can determine a victim by the bruises on her body.  But there is so much more a victim endures.  Domestic violence actually can begin with what could be considered control. Sometimes one can confuse control with caring. 

Years ago, when I was in college, a group of girls went out. One of the girls in the group had a boyfriend named Michael. She was worried as Michael did not like her to go out. On the drive back to the campus, she expressed her concerns that Michael had called and she wasn’t there. She kept saying, “Michael is going to kill me.” At the time, it sounded so sophisticated, that she was in a relationship with someone who was seemingly so in love with her, he did not want her going out. When we returned to the campus, Michael was there, in his car waiting for her. Wow! We were young, and most of us had not experienced that intense love; and truth be told, we were a little jealous. We were also extremely naïve. 

Years later, I too had my own boyfriend. We went out to a nightclub. When I had to use the restroom, he escorted me there and waited. I thought his concern I was safe so was nice. He would interrupt if any man tried to have a conversation with me. Awe…he wanted me all to himself. He told me I could wear certain boots ONLY when I was with him. He was so protective. He told me my wedding gown was too low. Wait a minute….I looked beautiful….. He checked my outfit every morning before I went to work….This was silly…He ripped me dress off as he felt was too provocative…There was nothing revealing about that dress – it was from Saks Fifth Avenue for God’s sake! He threw me outside in my underwear if I didn’t close the shades….WTF! I wasn’t standing in front of the window. He checked the phone records to see who I spoke to when he wasn’t there….wait a minute – isn’t he conversing with ex-girlfriends? And on and on until it escalated into controlling of everything, including money – I had no access to cash, credit cards, checking account, bank account, isolation, physical abuse, sexual abuse……And I didn’t know I was a victim of domestic violence until the day I was at the library and saw these 2 charts – one showing he exact pattern, which I would subconsciously think when things were good – waiting for the next explosion….however I didn’t know it was a cycle of abuse. 

This same pattern occurs in teenage relationships. It’s so easy to mistake this sense of concern with great love, when it’s really the seedlings of abuse. If you see this pattern, leave the relationship. If you know someone experiencing this, share this information. Call the domestic violence hotline. Make an escape plan. The police have cell phones you can use if (s)he checks your phone. 

Recently, I said to someone, “I don’t know what I am going to do tonight.” He told me, “You can do whatever you want.” What an awesome feeling to be able to make your own decisions without someone controlling your every move! Personal freedom is your constitutional right! Speak out against domestic violence!

And 30 years later...

It was 30 years ago, Tuesday, September 7th at 2:34 PM. He came into this world via an emergency C-section, 3 days after labor began, and was greeted by the medical team and his mom, as his father had been restricted from the operating room when he returned to the hospital from his 4-hour break to eat lunch and smoke a joint. Later, it was no surprise the mother was caring for her baby alone. They took walks long walks every day. They joined a group for new mothers and their newborns, and later formed a playgroup where friendships were formed, - all of which the father mocked. The mother and son were very close, and as the years went on, the little boy would notice his father was barely home. Some days, the father came home from work early, just to pick up his boat and rush out to meet his friends. His son’s delight would turn to disappointed tears as he cried out to go too, but his father would never take him. The mother bore the scars neglect, and more, so she filed for divorce, which angered the father and he swore she would “be sorry”. He retaliated by taking their son to live with the woman he had been having an affair with, yet that opened his young eyes to the realization of how his father treated others, including him. He was not allowed to know his own phone number, because his father didn’t want his mother calling, and fabricated a reason in court. He was carefully watched by the woman’s young daughters so he couldn’t sneak off and call his mother. His father refused to get addresses for his 10th birthday party because it was his mother’s home, - but she was very resourceful, and managed to distribute invitations to the party. Although the son begged for more time with the mother, the father claimed they had “things to do”, although his son knew he lied. The son would whisper to the mother, “You’re much nicer than dad.” It was simply because the mother loved her son more than herself, and she put his needs before her own, and her ex-husband did not. The father knew he could never compete with the mother as a parent, so he began to tell his son horrible things about his mother. He filed false criminal charges, and showed the son unethical and fabricated court documents. He told the son the mother only cared about her new baby, and not about him. He called his son “gay” because he didn’t have a girlfriend. When he found a girlfriend, and got her pregnant, he said his father’s “gay” remarks were jokes, and then refused to allow his mother to see her grandson, stating he was afraid she would hurt him – an outrageous allegation as the mother had never been accused of any kind of physical punishment, while the father actually admitted to beating his son until he was black and blue. The son was lied to every day for the rest of his life until today, his 30th birthday. I am his mother, but he is no longer my son. He is a stranger who recently conveyed his wish for my death. He is a damaged young man who has been programmed by a monster. He has been transformed from a sweet, loving boy to a cruel man devoted to the one who reinvented him. I am no longer proud of him, as I am ashamed of what he’s become, yet I grieve for the gentle child I once knew. So, happy birthday, my son. And when you blow out the candles, close your eyes, and make your wish. You can wish for my death, or you can wish for the truth.

It is said, the truth will set you free, and will allow you to begin the journey of healing from being an inhumanly alienated child, to the loving person you once were as a child under my care. Choose wisely my son, for my demise will not erase the cruel lies forced upon you by your father; my silence will only help to grow the evilness set upon you by your father, malicious cruelty created from his own insanity. My words are not an attempt to convince you of anything. My words stand by the truth of the deeds, and represent the courage and fortitude of a survivor, and the hopes that others can find their strength and their voice to fight domestic abuse, legal retaliation, and parental alienation. Happy 30th birthday, my darling son.

SOMETHING TO PONDER ON FATHER'S DAY

Who should receive Happy Father’s Day wishes?

Should the man who poisons his children’s minds with evil stories about their mother be the recipient of happy Father’s Day wishes?

Should the man who encourages no contact with the mother be touted as a good father?

Should the man who utilized hostile aggressive parenting be celebrated as a father?

Should the man who filed false criminal charges against the mother of his children be looked upon as anything more than an evil sociopath?

You, dear readers, be the judge. Should the innocent victims – the children –be encouraged to honor the parent who dishonored the other parent (man or woman)?  Surely the general consensus on this will emphatically be “absolutely not!” So, on this Father’s Day, let us extend wishes to those who are deserving:

Happy Father’s Day to the men who are more than just a genetic contributor.

Happy Father’s Day to the men who put their children first.

Happy Father’s Day to the men who respect the mother of their children, regardless of marital status.

And Happy Father’s Day to the wonderful women who have taken on both roles.

KARMA

The message of this blog is worth pondering.  The theme deals with the unfairness of losing a child(ren); whether the loss has no reason; or the reason has no validation; or perhaps the loss is the result of karma - either from acts by the parents, or possibly from irresponsible acts from the child. What is a greater tragedy?  Losing a child due to an accidental death; or losing children due to a purposeful desire to sever the maternal bonds?The story follow:

Tom Piersiak was best friends with my former husband since grade school in Needham, MA.  Because of Tom's drug problems, his father banished him to the family farm in Brooks, Maine. He got clean and married Heidie, a local girl, and started a family.  Tom and my husband would go golfing or fishing, and I tried to forge a friendship with Heidie during our visits to Maine. Heidie was polite, but went about her daily activities, and I helped with her chores, or cared for our collective children.  Heidie was occasionally rude, and sometimes ignored me even though I continued to try to foster a friendship. I used to bring my camera and take pictures of the beautiful scenery, and the children. One time I took a beautiful photograph of Heidie's daughter Heather. Heidie liked it so much, I ordered an enlarged copy printed, which Heidie displayed in her living room.  It was shocking when Heidie and Tom later appeared in court to testify against me during my custody battle with my ex-husband.
Heidie testified I  took "pornographic pictures" of her daughter posing inappropriately with some anonymous fabricated friend. WTF? My production of the pictures were proof of Heidie's perjury, but why on earth did she go to court?
Tom lied as well, with a ridiculous testimony regarding my avid interest in the "triple x" pornographic movies on his satellite TV.  Again, WTF? And why would he testify in court? The Piersiaks were just a part of all of the perjury committed in 1996/1997 custody trial where all the fabricated testimony was disproved.

How ironic 15 years later Tom and Heidie's only son, named Thomas, would die in an automobile accident at age 22.  I remember Thomas as a young boy, and I was saddened by his death.  I graciously signed the condolence book online, with sincerity. The loss is tragic, but my kind expression, were not meant to be words of forgiveness, nor comfort for Tom and Heidie Piersiak. I felt it was their karma returning for their lies in court.  They are guilty of interfering with my relationship with my children. Although I would never wish anyone to endure the loss of a child, the words I wanted to express to Tom and Heidie are,  "Now you know what it is like to lose a child for no reason."
I learned what it was like to lose 3 children for no reason, assisted by Tom and Heidie Piersiak. They made the wrong decision to go to court, and commit perjury out of nothing more than cruelty. And when Tom was leaving the courtroom, he paused by me and said "Bye Robin."

Some may say the tragic accident was Thomas's own karma, as he had been the driver of another tragic car accident which killed his friend.  I believe in Karma, and live my life with kindness, and honesty.

Ironically, Thomas was buried on my birthday, which is the day before Heidie's birthday. Is this a sign for Heidie to remember the pain she caused me, each year while enduring the anniversary of her son's burial?  She will probably never enjoy a birthday celebration again, as it will be a constant reminder of burying her son.  But the pain of Thomas's loss will lessen year-by-year, as there is closure.  My children are gone, without closure because they are living in this world without their mother, with continued alienation from their father.  Maybe Tom and Heidie will read this, and realize the parallels of our losses.  Maybe they will find some relief from their own loss if they reach out to my children and let them know the truth… That I was a good mother, and their father has been lying to them for all these years.  In respect to their son who is now gone from this earth, Tom and Heidie Piersiak should rectify their wrongs in order to allow young Thomas to Rest In Peace. But I doubt they will.

SHE CALLS HERSELF AN ATTORNEY, BUT LIZ LEWIS IS AN UNETHICAL CRIMINAL

Here's the true story of a woman who should not be allowed to practice law. In fact, she probably should be on disability, as she is mentally incompetent on many levels. But you, dear reader, will be able to figure this out. Let's start at where it all began.....
Herb Lewis, Esq. is an attorney who resided in Needham with his wife Elaine. Years ago, when the son of his close friends was arrested for possession of cocaine, with the intent to sell, he successfully defended the 18 year old and had the record sealed. Despite the close call, this teenaged narcissistic sociopath continued to deal drugs from his Needham apartment - this time marijuana - which carried a lighter sentence. He accumulated regular customers, and some by word-of-mouth. One customer was a longtime friend, and son of Herb and Elaine Lewis. His older sister was Elizabeth R.Lewis, called Liz, who had followed in her father's footsteps and became an attorney.
About 8 years later, I met this drug dealer, however his drugging and dealing was concealed from me, as the primary goal of the narcissist is to charm, then consume. Facts eventually dribbled out and explained away as the mundane antics of a teenager. A tumultuous courtship, marriage, and 3 children followed. We would spend some of our summer days by the pool at the home of Herb and Elaine Lewis. Elaine was a nice woman who I learned had commented to my mother-in-law about my wonderful parenting skills. During these afternoons, Liz was also present. We always had a friendly relationship.... until my divorce proceedings when Liz was hired to represent my ex.
So let's review…Liz's attorney father defended my ex on charges of possession of cocaine with the intent to distribute. Liz's brother was my ex's best friend and involved with drugs he purchased from my ex. Liz's mother had enthusiastically complemented my parenting skills. In order to be effective attorney in a custody case, Liz was going to have to ignore the facts she knew... and to win, well...she was going to have to lie her ass off.
At the time. I had the idealistic belief our courts were a venue of honor, respect, and truth, resulting in justice. But in family court, I learned the general protocol was based on who was the more effective liar. And that was Liz Lewis.
[Ironically, she was sanctioned in another case for unethical behavior, and handling a case as if it were "her personal vendetta".]
Liz broke every rule, and ignored any shred of ethical attorney protocol. Some examples:
1. It is unethical for any attorney to contact the guardian ad litem assigned to a custody case, as the GAL needs to make a decision based on their own investigation. Liz continuously contacted the GAL, and even told her I was "in crisis", despite the fact I was working, had researched and enrolled my children in nursery school, and continued their daily routines. In fact - nothing had really changed as I had always been the sole caregiver. If anything, my psychological status was better because I was no longer afraid of being abused.
2. Liz brought "therapist" Steven Shapse, to testify and provide a psychological profile on me, despite the fact we had never met.
3. Liz went to "judge shopping" when her motion to change custody was denied twice.
4. Liz submitted a motion denying me due process in court
5. Liz brought an ex-parte fabricated motion into court which caused me to lose visits with my children for almost 5 years. She had plenty of time to have me served but didn't want me in court to refute her lies. Did I forget to mention this was done on my birthday?
6. Liz submitted a written summation for the custody trial which allowed her to lie freely without any reaction in court. Her written summation read as if she were in a different custody trial.
7. Liz (along with my ex) approached the ex-wife of my boyfriend attempting to create animosity in a very healthy relationship. Both handed her their business cards. My ex's slick business card contained information 100% contrary to what he had just turned in on his financial statement - also signed by Liz Lewis - under the pains and penalties of perjury.
8. Liz tried to supersede the judge's order by calling me to request a change in the visitation schedule. When I told her I wanted to comply with the judge, who requested any change needed to be in the courtroom, Liz refused and said "I would rather see you fighting with your children". When I later saw her in court, she denied this, and I asked her what kind of medications she was taking.
Those were just a few of the ways Liz conducted herself, but there are many more, as Liz drew out this trial for months, with her.... well, the only word is bullshit. She lied, manipulated, and insulted. She accused me of "needing men to support me", although I worked and relied on myself, while her client moved into a woman's house immediately after I threw him out. Liz's obsession with my relationships were disturbing, and made me feel as if she possibly wanted another kind of relationship with me.....whoops.....I guess I let the cat out of the closet....I mean bag. (No offense to the LGBT community)
I do not have a photograph of Liz Lewis. I am using this picture of a troll doll as this is the closest resemblance I could find. Liz is a tiny woman whose speech is tight-lipped and monotoned. She wears oversized manly tailored pantsuits to court, no make-up, and a Dorothy Hamill haircut. I recently heard Liz was disbarred however I could not find any supporting information. But, I am sure this is in her future. But, by all accounts, Liz Lewis has proved herself to be, the lowest scum on this planet. She went into court, and ignored her oath as a member of the bar, determined to brutally and dishonorably fight to have children ripped away from a wonderful mother. I am certain her mother Elaine Lewis is rolling over in her grave in disgusting disappointed with her daughter and her actions. If Liz Lewis had any morals scruples, or ethics, she would have refused this case. If she bears any guilt, remorse, or regret, she should tell my children the truth. This is all public record with additional details in my book "...Until You Die": The Narcissist's Promise. I will continue to purge and defile her name for what she did to my children, and someday I hope I can dance on her grave.
 

Why Would She Alienate Someone Else's Children?

My older daughter does not speak to me.  She is 25 years old, and hasn't spoken to me since 2015. Our last communication was a series of cruel texts to me regarding a picture of her former stepmother, I photoshopped to enhance the evil emanating within her soul.  I simply enhanced her ugliness. To digress; This was a woman who enthusiastically contributed to the alienation of my children.  What kind of person would purposely try to destroy the relationship between someone else's children and their biological mother?  What kind of woman would obey a man who's sole purpose was to punish his ex-wife for divorcing him, and using the children to do so? This is not the behavior of a person who is decent or mentally sane.  This is the behavior of a mentally damaged monster.  To no surprise, Mariann was dumped by my ex-husband over 10 years ago yet she clung to my children because they are a tie to him.  Mariann lacks the self-respect to walk away from my children, and encourage them have a relationship with their mother.  She continues to ingratiate herself into their lives, even with my grandson who I have never met. 

And why do I write about her?  Do the parents of murdered children forgive the one who took their children away from them?  Sharon Tate's sister continues to go to court and speak out against the Manson family who killed her sister in 1969. Debra Tate wants justice, and so do I.  I will never stop pointing my finger at the monster who alienated my children. 

Mariann had no reason to continue a relationship with my children. Her interference with my relationship with my children is criminal, and has been exceedingly inappropriate since they were very young.  One of the most disgusting thing she did was tell my daughter my fourth child was going to be born blind and deaf.  Who else but an evil monster would ever think of telling a six-year-old something so horrific? She also cut my daughters's hair, and took her to have her ears pierced.  This is something a predator would do.  The court never gave her any kind of rights regarding my children.

The picture I posted upset my daughter, as it was a picture of "someone she loves".  However, her feelings regarding Mariann were huge spoon fed lies, shoveled down her throat until she was forced to except it, without question. But I know the truth.  And my daughter is terrified to ask any questions, and learn the truth.

Although my daughter knows I am a domestic violence advocate who has written a book describing my life as the victim of her abusive father, and an international speaker who encourages women to speak out against their abuser, she doesn't question me; instead she denies she is "brainwashed".  However, someone who IS brainwashed is unaware of it.

My daughter endured almost 5 years of being brainwashed after her father filed false criminal charges against me. Although the charges had nothing to do with my relationship with my children, and the charges were dropped, and the findings reversed, the 5 years of

"No contact" with my children gave my ex and Mariann plenty of time to infiltrate my children's minds and plant the lies of alienation.

My daughter didn't question why she had to see me in the visitation center, nor did she question why the warranted fees associated with the visits were waived.  ANSWER: The therapists interviewed my ex and determined he was a domestic batterer and I was a victim, so my fee was waived.  This is a fact; Yet my daughter refuses to acknowledge her father was abusive, or questioned Mariann's enthusiasm to alienate her against her mother. 

The "person she loves" was having an affair with her father.  My daughter was too young to understand, yet years later, she never questioned the details. Most children are angry at the parent who is unfaithful.  My children never questioned their father's infidelity and bonded to the "other woman", who flaunted the affair as if it made her important.

It seems as if their early memories with me are erased...and THAT is obviously brainwashing. I remember the early years, and so to all my friends. My children were so attached to me, and their father was never home. His absence was the topic of most of our arguments.  I wanted a family, and he wanted to be with his friends (and other women). Why are they so afraid to learn the truth?

The only reason he wanted custody was because Mariann agreed to take them into her home.  Prior to her, my ex refused to take the children on overnight visits. He could not find an accomplice until he met Mariann.

What kind of woman would disrupt her own children's lives and bring a new man into her house and bed, days after throwing out their father? What kind of woman would agree to comply with a man's lies to take children away from their biological mother?  No decent, self-respecting woman would ever agree. Personally, I would certainly find fault with a man who wanted to do such a horrendous deed.  But Mariann is mentally unstable, and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Her confused priorities, and low self esteem led her to believe she would find self importance in playing a key figure in a custody battle. Mariann was the perfect pawn, easily manipulated to the point of disassociating herself from her own daughters by changing her name when she married my ex. Most mothers keep their married name, to share with their children, despite a divorce.  But a man was more important than her own daughters. She made them accomplices, instructing them to tell my children I did not want to talk to them when I called. Is that what a good mother makes her own children do?

Most recently, she refused to return my belongings that were in her house. Despite the fact I had a court order from 1996 with the list of my property, Mariann lied to the police. Why is she continuing to act this way?  Another sign of mental illness.

My daughter does not speak to me because I posted a picture which was an accurate depiction of an ugly woman with an ugly heart, yet this was "someone she loved". 

My daughter has no memory of her biological mother - the one she first loved.  I was the one who carried her (despite her father's request to abort because he "did not want three children").  I took care of her when she came home jaundiced.  I sat with her, begging her to drink when she had a stomach bug so severe her doctor was about to admit her to the hospital.  When she got an infection on her foot, and when she got kicked in the mouth, I took her to the doctor, and the dentist to make sure the infection didn't spread, and she didn't lose a tooth. (When her father had custody, all medical and dental appointments stopped). My daughter was fortunate I re-entered her life and got her braces for her teeth.  Yes, this 25 year old once loved me, because I was her mother. I was the person who cared about her and only her, not because I was trying to get with some man.  Now her "mother figure" is a whore who stole her affections with lies and cruelty. 

I do not care if this post hurts my daughter.  It's meant to jar her into reality.  I am crying out for the same justice for my children as Debra Tate does for her sister.  My feelings toward my daughter deep down is the love a mother would have for a child who died.  But in real time, it's profound disappointment and disdain. 

And as long as the insane woman is in my daughter's life, there is no room for me.  I will never share my daughter nor show Mariann respect after how she destroyed my children.  I did not care about the affair with my husband because she wasn't the first one and she wasn't the last.  My daughter and sons are damaged products of what happens when children are denied a loving mother.  I have little faith they will have successful relationships.  (My daughter told me my oldest son does not have his son for overnight visits.) 

I had three beautiful children, who I was raising beautifully and lovingly. They have become cruel strangers, and I am embarrassed for them as they did not inherit one shred of common sense to ask questions… Yet I realize they are severely alienated and yes, brainwashed, by an abusive man and an equally abusive woman named Mariann. 

I am fortunate to have another daughter who I raised with love and propriety.  She is a responsible young adult with goals, and self-respect, and has made me very proud. 

My feelings for my three oldest children range from pity to anger;  I realize they too ARE victims. Perhaps they will someday question the lies.  Perhaps they will feel anger and sadness and will undoubtedly need years of therapy to undo the damage.  Or perhaps they will just continue with the unfounded anger they bear toward their biological mother.  I wonder if someday they will feel the pain of growing up without a mother. 

Mariann is not their mother.  She's a pathetic excuse for a mother who disregards the damage she's done. She is worse than domestic batterer, because she has preyed on the innocence of my children for a man who left her.  Mariann had free will to make her decisions, and chose to hurt my children, instead of being a decent person and walking away.  Hey Mariann - it's never too late to walk away. 

Libel? Slander? Or freedom of speech?

What are the legal ramifications of telling your story? How should you tell your story? Should you tell it in the first person?  Change names?  I thought about this in detail.  I felt safe if I decided to tell my story in the first person, without changing names.  I felt my ex would never admit to being the antagonist in my book - the man most readers have hated, thanks to the comprehensive characterization.  I also felt he would not want his identity revealed, as if he actually stood up and admitted I wrote about him, he would be proving himself as at the very least, a narcissist.

In my due diligence, I consulted with an attorney prior to deciding how my book should be written. There was a lot to consider. Should I write the book using my real name as the author? Or should I use a pen name? Should I write it in the first person? Should I write it as a fiction - which would leave speculation as to whether or not it was a true story, or a non-fiction/true crime drama? I knew I wanted to reveal the truth, because, as Oprah said, "In revealing the truth, you release the shame."  There is a fair amount of shame in being a victim of domestic violence.  People wonder why it took so long to leave.  People question as to the custody decisions.  Many people are exactly how I was when I first entered a courtroom.  You respect the legal system, and you respect the judge.  It was a place where honesty prevails, and is above all respected.  What an idealistic way of thinking....but sometimes seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is easier to take, than the reality of what really happens.

From the first day we sat in court, and the case worker asked my ex if he thought I was a good mother, and he vehemently said, "No!"  I looked at him in utter shock.  I had never heard one negative word uttered about my parenting.  The biggest issue we had was my desire to have my husband home as a part of the family, instead of spending most of the time with his friends, and saying activities with the children were "boring".  If I was not a good mother, why wasn't he home to ensure the children were safe?  Simply said, the children were safe with me, and they were not a priority in his life. 

People who know me, whether they are close friends, or acquaintances know I am a survivor of domestic violence perpetrated by my first husband. I have a different last name as I felt I needed to my own identity after the years of abuse. Although I wanted to share the same surname with my children, his attorney screamed in court about retaining his name, making a ludicrous suggestion I wanted to remain married to him, when in fact, I detested the name associated with my perpetrator and craved my own identity.  I changed my name, selecting one with a similar feel to my maiden name albeit much more easy to pronounce, and legally changed it "for personal and professional reasons".

I decided I would use pseudonyms in my book to keep my children's identity private, and utilized a disclaimer in the front of the book, with tongue-in-cheek sarcasm because the names of the villains in my book are very close to their real names. The antagonist's surname of BAUERS is an anagram.  (E-mail me if you can figure it out). 

And, with that said, I am going to start revealing the names of some of these villains. There are several reasons for this decision. Yes I am speaking out, and yes I do reveal names when I speak in public. Most importantly, any name which was in my court record, is libel and slander free, according to my consultation with the attorney.  Therefore, I am protected, as whatever I will write is a matter of public record. In revealing names, other victims of the same people (lawyer, judge etc) may feel more comfortable speaking out and telling their story. However, the main goal is to encourage those who feel they are victims, to speak out, so they can on day call themselves survivors.

So… Hold on tight, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.